Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient In Order To Meet Women And Connect With Girls
Last week one of my friends asked a question that i thought was worth discussing. He asked about how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even when everything is going good.
The truth is it is not an easy question to answer because it differs for every person. There are literally thousands of books that have been written on that subject alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
What exactly are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you may fail. If you keep trying it over and over you will start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon stop trying anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be frightening - not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.
The proper approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant method to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially scary. Therefore while I am approaching an attractive woman in a social setting, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of other people.
If I am starting to date a girl and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to chill, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and again to find out how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are some examples. When you feel uneasy and scared simply try to consider a lower gradient that isn't as frightening and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and how to relate to them quickly.
Blind Date Compared To Online Date - Which One Will Be Successful
Your friend has decided that you need help with your social life so she sets you up with a blind date - a friend of a friend of a friend.
Bad Boy Compared To Nice Guy - Does Interest Have Something To Do With Being A Bad Boy Vs A Nice Guy?
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Are You Reluctant To Converse Or Meet Girls?
Whenever you feel uncomfortable in any situation, it means that you are approaching this situation on too high a gradient. Rather than running away from the situation, lower the gradient.
Talking To A Woman For The First Time: Are You Seeing Anyone?
How to find out if a woman is in a relationship when you first meet a woman without awkwardly asking her right off the bat - and how to smoothly ask if she is in a relationship.
Get Back Together With Your Ex As A Result Of Being Less Attainable And Even More Of A Challenge To Her
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The Way To Get Back Together With Ex Girlfriend Or Boyfriend - Even When It Looks Hopeless
Are you wondering how to get back with your ex partner? There are many steps you can take with the most important one being to ask yourself are you sure this is what you want.
The truth is it is not an easy question to answer because it differs for every person. There are literally thousands of books that have been written on that subject alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
What exactly are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you may fail. If you keep trying it over and over you will start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon stop trying anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be frightening - not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.
The proper approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant method to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially scary. Therefore while I am approaching an attractive woman in a social setting, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of other people.
If I am starting to date a girl and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to chill, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and again to find out how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are some examples. When you feel uneasy and scared simply try to consider a lower gradient that isn't as frightening and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and how to relate to them quickly.
Blind Date Compared To Online Date - Which One Will Be Successful
Your friend has decided that you need help with your social life so she sets you up with a blind date - a friend of a friend of a friend.
Bad Boy Compared To Nice Guy - Does Interest Have Something To Do With Being A Bad Boy Vs A Nice Guy?
Well, we have all heard that myth - that "nice guys" lose out and the 'bad boys" attract women - but is it based in truth? Does attraction have anything to do with being a bad boy versus a nice guy?
Enjoyable, Romantic Weekend Tips
Romantic breaks are good for us after the stress of the work week, but they do not need to be expensive, do not have to involve travel, and do not have to last the whole weekend, although if you can manage the time, it'll probably be good for you.
Are You Reluctant To Converse Or Meet Girls?
Whenever you feel uncomfortable in any situation, it means that you are approaching this situation on too high a gradient. Rather than running away from the situation, lower the gradient.
Talking To A Woman For The First Time: Are You Seeing Anyone?
How to find out if a woman is in a relationship when you first meet a woman without awkwardly asking her right off the bat - and how to smoothly ask if she is in a relationship.
Get Back Together With Your Ex As A Result Of Being Less Attainable And Even More Of A Challenge To Her
One of the most educational things you can ever do is to talk with your ex-girlfriend's closest friends to see what she was like in the earliest days of your relationship. Almost always her friends will tell you that almost all she could think about was how to make you hers.
The Way To Get Back Together With Ex Girlfriend Or Boyfriend - Even When It Looks Hopeless
Are you wondering how to get back with your ex partner? There are many steps you can take with the most important one being to ask yourself are you sure this is what you want.
Other Readings
- Getting Physical With A Girl
- Online Dating: Good Women Practice This, Also!
- Ask The Proper Questions First - A Must Read Guidebook To Get A Successful Online Dating Experience
- For Girls: Mr. Perfect Does Not Be In Existence!
- Is Mr. L. Rx A Scam? Is His Book Dating To Relating A Kind Of Mislead?
- Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient In Order To Meet Up With Girls And Connect With Girls
- Overcoming Fears: Lowering The Gradient In An Effort To Meet Up With Girls And Connect With Women
- First Dates: What To Avoid, If You Want To Attract Women. - A Wonderful Guide To Acquire More Information
- First Dates: What To Avoid, If You Want To Catch The Attention Of Women. - A Fantastic Guide For More Information
- First Dates: What To Avoid, If You Want To Catch The Attention Of Women. - A Wonderful Guide To Acquire More Information
- How To Pick Up Women - Unclear Indications And Flirting
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